Trust and Behavior

It is the “day after” the annual meeting of ASAE and The Center for Association Leadership. This is a regular event for me, and I absolutely love attending it, although as an introvert it completely exhausts me!

I learned a lot this year, and I’ll post more about it (after some introvert re-charging time!), but I will share one point from yesterday.

Steven M.R. Covey spoke about the Speed of Trust. Newton Holt had interviewed him in last month’s Associations Now (I commented here). I have his book now, so I’ll comment more when I read it, but there was one quote from the session worth repeating:

You can’t talk your way out of a situation you behaved your way into.

I think that was a actually a quote from Covey’s father, but it’s obviously relevant to trust. When you behave in a way that violates trust in a relationship, the way to re-establish the trust is primarily through behavior, rather than words. There’s nothing wrong with words (apologizing, promising you’ll do better, etc.), but the words by themselves won’t be enough to rebuild the trust. You need the behavior.

That’s why when trust needs to be built between two people or two groups, it is critical that the two sides have opportunities to interact. The more chances they have to interact, the more they can observe behavior (and make connections between words and behavior) that can build trust. This is also why I spend so much time teaching groups how to give feedback that focuses specifically on behavior and impact. Conversations that clarify behavior and impact are the kind of words that can help build trust.

Comments

[Dave S.]

Hey JNott,

Glad to hear you are back and recovering. Large scale events like ASAE definitely can be challenging for folks who like balance. It was good to finally meet you in person and even better having a chance to hang out and get to know the real Jamie Notter.

I do have a question related to the post. I have heard Steven M.R. Covey speak about the "Speed of Trust" and have also heard him cite the same quote, which I also believe to be his fathers. While I do agree with it I can't help but wonder what one is to do when one violates the principle. Obviously you have to act yourself out of the situation by doing what is right, but is it (a) really possible to earn trust back once you have lost it (b) if you can earn it back will it take longer the second time than the first and (c) is there a way to fast-track the trust building process, not in an attempt to make it easy, it is not, but lets say in the event of a time sensitive situation?

I'd love to hear your thoughts as this is definitely much closer to your field of expertise than it is mine.

[Jamie Notter]

Hey Dave,

Very few people get to see the "real" me, so consider yourself lucky!

Seriously, I will post more about this, but I am going to read his book first, because in skimming I can see that he addresses the issue, particularly the speed part.