Helping

I ran across this on Seth Godin's blog:

It's really easy to insist that people read the friggin manual. It's really easy to blame the user/student/prospect/customer for not trying hard, for being too stupid to get it or for not caring enough to pay attention. Sometimes (often) that might even be a valid complaint. But it's not helpful.

What's helpful is to realize that you have a choice when you communicate. You can design your products to be easy to use. You can write so your audience hears you. You can present in a place and in a way that guarantees that the people you want to listen will hear you. Most of all, you get to choose who will understand (and who won't).

I love the last line of the first paragraph: tt's a valid complaint, but it's not helpful. This is a useful reminder. Too often, both in the consulting world and in the organizational world, we get so focused on what we're doing, or how we're doing it, or what we think is right, that we forget that in nearly every situation we are trying to help. That means we are trying to help someone else.

So Godin's second paragraph is true, but a bit deceptive. Yes, we do have choices about how we communicate, design, and present, but he makes it sound easy to do it well. It's hard because you have to work with the person you are helping to figure it out. You simply aren't going to come up with the right answer on your own (at least not most of the time). When you get to the point where you're mad at the client (or the customer, or the member, or the board...) for not "getting it," it means you're too far away from them. You need to get closer. Otherwise, you won't be able to help.

Comments

[Vinay Kumar]

Well said Jamie. Too often, we get into complaining mood. Only if the other person would get it, change, then things would be OK. But that ain't gonna happen. It's we who need to adjust if we truly want to be helpful to others. This means we have to REALLY listen and then do what needs to be done, keeping in mind the other's interest and with desire to help them succeed.

[Chris Hanson]

Going on a just a slight tangent here... Marshall Goldsmith's 2007 book, "What Got You Here Won't Get You There," strikes a similar cord. He encourages the reader to stop adding value where it's not needed. The downside is stifling others' innovation and motivation.

The trap many leaders fall in to, he writes, is knowing that they're probably right about an issue and acting on the impulse to add their input to a situation. He suggests that his readers ask themselves: Am I right? (Maybe) Is it worth it to intervene? (Maybe not).