The Power of Frustration

If you're at all interested in associations and social media, you likely have already heard about the "Power of A" campaign that ASAE & The Center has started--most notably the rather critical reaction it has garnered from many of those who are active on Twitter and in the blogosphere (Chris Bailey, Maggie McGary, Deirdre Reid, Lynn Morton, and Dave Sabol).

In short, ASAE hired a big name firm to create a campaign to increase awareness of the importance of associations, primarily among policy makers. The campaign is built around a web site that has a bit of a social media feel to it, including "blog posts" and a twitter hashtag stream. Criticisms from the association folk above include lack of clarity about target audience (hill staffers? general public? association professionals?) and an unsettling combination of social media format with traditional PR messages.

I'll be interested to see how it plays out, and how ASAE responds, and what, if anything, they do to alter their tactics in the campaign. But the big picture issue that interests me more is this: what to you do when people close to you get frustrated and express it?

One of the impacts of social media is that more gets said. The barriers to communication have fallen dramatically. More people say more things to wider and wider audiences. This is directly related to authenticity. We expect and demand authenticity, so it's more "normal" for people to say just what is on their mind.

That includes criticisms and frustration. But this will be a challenge to many organizational cultures. Being openly critical or expressing frustration or anger is generally considered not polite. It's not what "team players" do. It's whining. As such, it is typically ignored or actively resisted.

How about this instead:

It's okay for people to be unhappy, and it's okay for them to express it.

Of course there are lines that should not be crossed (please don't yell or scream at me). But for the most part, I think we do a disservice by labeling open criticism as inappropriate. Most systems have this rule, spoken or unspoken, and it rarely serves them. We don't want to sound critical, so we don't say anything, but it's the classic "Emperor has no clothes" syndrome. What I like about the Power of A situation is people spoke their truth. We need to embrace this, move towards it, run with it.

Think about your organization. Would you have the capacity to really embrace frustration like this? Would your ego let you move towards it if they were criticizing you or your initiative? Is your organization listening carefully enough to different parts of the system to pick up on frustration in time? If the points they were making were valid, would your organization actually be able to make changes, real-time? How would you respond? You MUST be able to answer these questions about yourself and your organization. These are (some of) the capacities of leadership.

Frustration is a very powerful force. When it gets expressed, it usually means those individuals have crossed a tipping point where they have moved to take action, rather than just stewing about it. What an opportunity! People relevant to your organization or system are taking action. Sure, we'd rather them take action by singing our praises and showering us with more money. Whatever. They are taking action, they are showing some passion. What are you going to do with that?

In the martial art of Aikido, the attacker's force is rarely simply blocked or opposed. You use that force--merge with it--so you can redirect it in a way that keeps both you and the attacker from harm. And to merge with the attacker's force, you typically have to position yourself right next to the attacker, turning yourself around to see the world from the attacker's point of view. The willingness to make that shift is actually a big deal, particularly if you label the other's view as whining, inappropriate, or otherwise not worthy of your attention.

Comments

[Dave S.]

All I can say is wow! You hit it right on the head and your final paragraph summarizes everything perfectly! It's about encouraging dissent and debate and tapping into it and a momentum builder. Nice post, fantastic perspective!

[Chris Bailey]

I like how you voice this, Jamie. None of us are usually happy to be on the receiving end of the criticism stick. But too many organizations and leaders see criticism as a negative form of disloyalty. I'd actually argue that its probably one of the most sincerest forms of loyalty you can offer (though, recognizing this isn't always the case).

Which is worse: someone willing to speak their mind and share their disappointment and frustration? Or someone content to sit mutely on the sidelines with an attitude of indifference?

As always, you offer a great perspective on conflict that gets folks thinking more deeply about their own attitudes and behaviors. Cheers!

[Jeff Hurt]

Well stated and a great perspective on this issue.

Interestingly enough, in 2008 ASAE's "Association Now" featured an article by Newton Holt titled "The Duty Of Dissent." In the words of that article, "Too much harmony can be lethal.” Within groups, the ASAE piece warns, “The desire for consensus—harmony and agreement—can be so overpowering that it largely nullifies critical thinking." We’ve all seen Boards that nullify their critical thinking out of their desire to avoid conflict.

Today, the Web 2.0 association member expects the opportunity to share their view and thoughts on issues, programs and campaigns. This is no different from a customer wanting to be engaged with the human side of a brand. Today when a Web 2.0 consumer is not happy with the direction of the brand, they state so. And before you know it, a tribe is formed. That’s what is happening now. Today’s Web 2.0 association members are stating their frustration and dissent from ASAE’s current campaign.

Let’s face it; these discussions of dissent have been going on in the conference hallways, association work sites and around the water cooler for years. It just that now, a new, more tech-savvy and sometimes younger audience will not put up with the old way it’s always been done and are sharing their views publicly.

Culture, procedures, and time may be hindrances to creating a culture that values and elicits dissenting points of view, but perhaps the biggest obstacle is how we view the very notion of dissent. ASAE doesn’t have to choose between a culture of open dissent and a culture of civility; dissension is not the opposite of civility. Indeed, dissent is more effective when coupled with civility.

I believe in today’s Web 2.0 world, an association that embraces and invites dissent is a key indicator of their effectiveness. Ultimately, in the association world, it is about the member, right? As you implied, dissent is not the same thing as disloyalty. A 2002 Harvard Business Review article by Yale’s School of Management Jeffrey A. Sonnenfeld illustrates that faith in dissent is a positive force. “The highest-performing companies have extremely contentious boards that view dissent as an obligation and that treat no subject as undiscussable.” Further research shows that a group rarely lives up to the sum of its parts because of its strain for consensus, agreement and harmony. We can disagree and still be agreeable.

The challenge in this situation is that everyone who has written a critique about ASAE’s The Power Of A really and truly cares about the outcome. Every post and comment that I’ve read is from a wise, well-experienced, intelligent, articulate association professional who wants the Power of A message and ASAE to succeed. These people “get it” because they live and breathe in the trenches and they’re offering tips to make this campaign better but no one from ASAE’s fortress on the hill seems to be listening or engaging in the dialogue. In this situation, ASAE seems to be banking on “Returns of Ignoring” instead of engagement.

The dissent is that we can and do expect ASAE to do it better, to be the leader, to be out front of all associations.

[Lynn Morton]

I will say that ASAE did respond today, not sure what time though. You can find it at http://www.thepowerofa.org/2009/05/the-power-of-conversation/

I feel like ASAE is listening and very intelligently using an Aikido style to address people's concerns. I appreciate that ASAE listens to me, this isn't the first time they listened either. Now if we can just work on that control issue... ;)

[Simon Stapleton]

Interesting parallel with Aikido!
To extend it further, no new student can expect to merge forces with their attacker without training by a Sensei.

It takes practice and confidence.

Like Aikido, people who become frustrated require some training/guidance/coaching/mentorship to know how to cope and use their situation to their advantage. Right?

So I advise anyone who finds themself in a frustrating situation, and doesn't know what to do, to find someone who can coach them through it and build up skills, which turns into experience, which turns into confidence!